Every Man's Worst Nightmare
by PixieKindOfCrazy
Summary: Drabble to deal with the wait until the Christmas ep. Based off a promo pic I saw on Tumblr. This is for everyone still dealing with Post Pond Depression. "He liked Clara. He really did. But unfortunately, she had the rather strange desire many of his companions shared to kiss him upon meeting. Except, it really wasn't even an option anymore-what with him being married and all."


**A/n: **_Based off a promo photo I saw of Clara kissing the Doctor in the Christmas special. I know that the Doctor may be a little too happy after what happened in Angels Take Manhattan, but I imagine this taking place at least a year after that episode for him and I like to think no matter how sad he is, the Doctor's thought process is always this spastic and adorable. I really enjoy writing it…I think that may be because I'm the same type of insane…_

_By the way, Timelord is actually a word in my Microsoft's dictionary…that's how you know I'm a Who Writer. And in regards to the quote, I know Clara isn't his ex by the way, I just didn't really want to get into the deep emotions of Rose meeting River, so…_

**Disclaimer: **_Don't own a thing. Woops. _

"_The misuses and the ex- welcome to every man's worst nightmare, Doctor."- Mickey Smith. _

The Doctor liked Clara. He truly did. She was brave and precocious and a bit mouthy, all things he liked in his companions. But she also unfortunately seemed to possess the rather odd to him- and rather standard of his companions- desire to kiss him during the first adventure. It had never really been a problem with any of his previous companions, besides Amy, being a married woman and all. (Technically he met her as a very unmarried little girl, but point still standing.) Well, there was always the slight awkwardness-case in point with Martha- or the nervousness that new feelings awakened with him, i.e Rose.

But now, at this point in his very long life, the whole kissing the pretty girls he picked up to be his friends were just not an option. Actually, this kind of act was grounds for arrest in several galaxies…or execution. Well, it'd be execution for him if _she _found out. He shivered in a weird mix of fear and desire just thinking about her reaction.

See, the thing is-he's kind of… sort of…completely, always and forever _married _now. Which he believes prohibits the whole kissing other women thing. Plus, he never particularly asked for his friends to kiss him. In most cases, he'd ask them _not _to. And now that he had a wife, he simply didn't _want _to kiss anyone else. The very thought made him feel sort of icky and guilty.

Timelords originally aren't very libidinous beings to begin with. So, suffice it to say, he never really got _those _kinds of feelings…well, not very _often _anyway. Not enough to matter. Until he met that audacious women in a library and watched her sacrifice so much for so many people. He didn't realize it until recently, but he thinks he fell a little bit in love with her that day, choosing to do exactly what he would've done.

Because he hadn't met anyone like her since his home was destroyed, and even then, he had doubts he would've find her kind of woman back on Gallifrey. But she was Gallifreyan, partly, and maybe that had something to do with the way she made his hearts race, quadruple time. He doubted it though. Well, it _contributed, _you know because of the whole similar species attraction biology stuff that he hadn't really listened to properly in any school he ever went to so many years ago.

He surmised that her effect on him probably had more to do with the fact that he loved her. God did he love her. With her gun-skills and crazy curls and even fiercer temper, matched with equally viscous loyalty. That woman radiated the word _protective. _He tried not to ever dwell on where she got all that from. It broke his hearts now too much to constantly be reminded of her parents. He'd never completely move on from them, forget them and lose the pain. That'd be a dishonor to their memory.

So in a way, his wife was always the closest he would get to his best friends again. He felt as if treating her well was almost repayment for all the thins and joy the Ponds gave his life. She truly was two parts Amelia Pond and one part Rory the Roman, with some special spice of River that he honestly had no idea where she got.

By the time he'd taken himself out of his mental rant- after being married for so many years, he's built up quite the ability to think about her for entirely too long- about why he shouldn't let the person kissing him continue to kiss him, he realized he should be pushing her away. So he did. He took Clara by the shoulders as politely as possible and…removed her face from his. He was left with a strange, entirely too sweet taste on his lips. It was probably the contrast he was currently making a slightly rude face at; River tasted like spicy honey. He always loved that…

He shook his head, damning his tendency to distract himself. That was when he noticed that Clara looked slightly shocked, but not offended in the least. Well, at least that was one less person he'd pissed off today…

"Well when you asked me to come away with you, live in a blue box and see the stars, I wasn't quite so sure how metaphorically you meant that…I've always had a problem with assuming things…"

Clara was raising one dark eyebrow at him impishly and he mentally conceded that she had a point; it was the end of their little adventure, first meeting after all and he _did _ask her to…wait, no he hadn't! He had specifically said that he didn't want anyone with him, he remembers because uttering that sentence had felt like stabbing something into his own chest. She had actually invited herself. After explaining the workings of his machine and showing her that it was indeed bigger on the inside, he couldn't really blame her for wanting to see the stars.

Actually, you know what? He could! What was so wrong with her life that she'd abandon it on a whim? She might not know it yet but she'd be risking her life, her loved ones, who she was, just to see a few stupid aliens. He didn't like that human curiosity and impulsiveness anymore. It made him remember people- in his minds- whose lives he'd ruined…

"No! No!" He started stuttering angrily, but she only continued staring up at him, unaffected, "I mean, I…" he growled frustratedly, "Number one- you can't come with me. You can't. Thanks for all the help and such, but I won't take you," his voice was serious now as he stared her down, making sure his point was heard. She nodded, clearly not listening but he continued anyway, "And secondly- why would you kiss a stranger? That's bad that, kissing random men! And you shouldn't be kissing _me _in particular, I'm not a good one to kiss and-"

"Why is that?" she blinked at him, smirking.

He spluttered.

"Why –why is-"

"Because he's married, Sweetie."

He couldn't decide if he was relieved at her sudden appearance- she really does have a knack for coming in from nowhere and he hates to admit it but she's better at smoothing these kinds of things over than he is- or slightly worried that she'll be angry at him kissing another woman, however unintentional and _not his idea_ it was.

"River, I didn't-"

She shot him a look. He promptly sealed his mouth shut.

**A/n: **_Ooh that was fun! Have any 11/River drabble ideas? I love writing these!_


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